Shades of Gray
by Carrie6
Summary: S/V. Continuation of Season Finale...Vaughn's not dead, don't ask about the title, i just like how it sounds. please R/R i appreciate it!
1. out

Title: Shades of Gray  
  
Author: Carrie (CaReYbEaRy@aol.com)  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Alias or any of the characters.  
  
Spoilers: Season Finale  
  
Rating: PG, but it will probably change throughout the series  
  
Category: Angst, Romance, little action, little everything  
  
Distribution: Anywhere. just let me know.  
  
Author's Note: Okay, the season finale has got me going nuts! This is a story that I've been playing out in my head for a while. I'm taking a break from "Those Eyes" if you've read it, you probably know why. I don't like the direction the story is going, so until I can figure out how to fix it, I'm going to be writing this. Please let me know if there's anything you think I should change, or anything you think should happen…I'm open to suggestions. You can email me, or just post a review…Thanks and Enjoy!  
  
  
  
CHAPTER 1  
  
He was numb. He couldn't feel anything. Not the hard metal of the door in front of him, nor the coolness of the water behind him. All he could think was that he was going to die. He watched as she became increasingly frustrated, smashing the fire extinguisher into the small window in the door with all her might, and no reward. He tried to shake his head, telling her to get out, that she couldn't save him. He would never forget the look in her eyes. The look of total regret and anguish, mixed with hopelessness and sorrow. Another wave crushed him against the door, forcing him to close his eyes, and when he reopened them, she was gone. He slammed his eyes shut once again, and upon opening them, he saw Sydney being dragged away by Khasinou's men. At that moment, he knew he had to get out. He couldn't die like this. He couldn't die because he couldn't run fast enough. He couldn't die, knowing that Sydney was in danger. He couldn't die without her knowing how he felt.  
  
The hallway was filled with water, but there was enough sloshing around that he thought there might be air at the top. He was starting to feel light-headed from the lack of oxygen, and knew that he had to work quickly. He kicked his way up to the ceiling, and felt the tips of his fingers reach air. He leaned his head back and sucked in the precious air. He allowed himself to breathe like that for a few seconds before he dived back into the water. He had to find a way out.  
  
He swam quickly, trying the handle, and then kicking each door he passed. When he got to the end of the hallway he kicked back up to the ceiling and took another breath. This one was shorter, however, because as soon as he sucked in the air, the water reached the top and closed the gap of air between the surface and ceiling. He continued attempting to get into a room, hoping that there was something in one of them that he could use to breathe. He finally came to a door at the end of the left hallway that moved when he kicked it. He kicked it again, and then moved across the hallway to push himself off the wall and launch himself at the door. The door gave way and he swam through the opening. The room was filled with water, and he scanned it with his blurry vision and burning eyes. The room looked like a laboratory of sorts, and in the far corner, there was a large cabinet, filled with empty beakers and test tubes, all upside down and held in by racks. He swam desperately over to the cabinet and opened it, grabbing the first beaker he saw. He held it above his head and stuck his lips into the opening. He took in the air as fast as he could and released it into the water as he looked at the next two cabinets, filled with large, upside down containers.  
  
He took another breath from the beaker and let it go, floating off, before looking around the room for anything that could break the door, or help him breathe for longer. He ripped open drawers, and flung open cabinets looking for anything. He found a large plastic container with a top on it, and he stuck it under his arm, continuing in his search. Every minute or so, he would return to the cabinet and breathe from a beaker, wanting to save the plastic container for later.  
  
He opened what seemed like the last drawer in the lab, and there was a blowtorch sitting in it. He grabbed it and ripped of the safety cap, praying it would work under water. He squeezed in the button and was relieved when a sharp blue flame spurted out the knife-like end. He tucked it under his arm with the container and swam out of the room, back towards the door where he had come from.  
  
Once he got to the door, he opened the container and took a drink of air before replacing the top. He placed it between his legs and set to work on the door. He knew that the torch would not work for very long under these conditions, so he had to be smart. He started at the bottom, knowing that this way he would only have to cut three sides at the most. He stuck the sharp end of the torch into the door and held down the button as the flame pushed through the steel. He looked up through the window to make sure that it was all the way through and was pleased when he saw water squirting out into the dry hallway. He moved the torch up and to the left, trying to make the smallest possible hole that he could fit through. Finally, after two and a half sides, the opening was cut enough that he was able to kick the rest of it out. Water gushed out and he pushed his way through the opening, flung out by the force of the water.  
  
He landed in a heap on the floor, gasping for real air as water continued to flow over him. The hole was large enough that it would not take long for the water to spread. He moved quickly, getting up and walking quickly down the hallway. He had to get as far away as he could from that water. He had to find Sydney.  
  
To be Continued…  
  
Please review, I really appreciate it, and it helps me work faster. Please let me know if there's anything you think I should change, or anything you think should happen…I'm open to suggestions. You can email me, or just post a review…Thanks! -Carrie 


	2. plan

Title: Shades of Gray  
  
Author: Carrie (CaReYbEaRy@aol.com)  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Alias or any of the characters.  
  
Spoilers: Season Finale  
  
Rating: PG, but it will probably change throughout the series  
  
Category: Angst, Romance, little action, little everything  
  
Distribution: Anywhere. Just let me know.  
  
Author's Note: Okay, chapter 2. I'm going to post a bunch pretty quickly, just because I'm waiting until I know that I'm going to put these up and continue them. I hope that you're enjoying the story so far. I want to make this long, so it'll get me through the summer, but who knows! I know that Vaughn might have seemed a little too fierce for a desk agent, but it had to be done. There were a lot of ways that I was considering to get him out, but that seemed like a different approach than things that I read. I was going to have him go through an air vent, but then I read a story that had him do that…I decided against it. (Plus, blowtorches are cool.) My idea for him going into the lab, was that the lab was already filled with water (I guess I didn't clarify that, when I edit it I will) thank you for reviewing and please let me know if there's anything you think I should change, or anything you think should happen…I'm open to suggestions. You can email me, or just post a review…Thanks and Enjoy!  
  
CHAPTER 2  
  
Vaughn looked at his watch for a minute, and after deciding that it was, in fact, working, he realized that he only had eight minutes before he was supposed to meet Jack and Sydney to rendezvous. He crept along the corridor, edging along the wall. He was still soaking wet, and if anyone were looking for him, they could easily follow his path. His shoes squeaked a little, but if he walked slowly enough, they quieted. He took a quick glance around the corner, and saw no one. He continued down the next hallway, hoping that he would soon see an exit, and praying that Sydney had gotten away from the guards. He turned down another hallway and saw a guard walking towards him. He quickly moved back to the other side and waited for the guard. When he rounded the corner, Vaughn was ready for him. He extended his arm, hitting the man's windpipe, knocking the air out of him, and when the man hunched over, Vaughn elbowed him behind his neck, rendering him unconscious. Vaughn proceeded, and saw a door at the end of the hall with a sign for stairs next to it. He approached the door and opened it, surprised that it was open.  
  
He moved quickly down the stairs, stopping at each level, looking for an exit. After three flights of stairs, he found a door, leading into the nightclub. He moved swiftly through the crowd, the dark lights masking his wet form. He walked out of the front of the building, glancing at his watch again. He only had three minutes to find Jack. He broke out into a run, his muscles screaming at him from their exertion in the past hour. He finally got to the alleyway where he was supposed to meet Jack, and saw the van parked there.  
  
Vaughn walked around to the front of the van and slipped into the passenger seat. Jack was seated in the driver's.  
  
"Sydney was captured." Vaughn said quickly, his breathing labored from his run.  
  
Jack had obviously suspected as much since he had no reaction.  
  
"What happened?" he questioned, his voice almost a monotone.  
  
"The circumference was much larger than we expected, and to destroy it, we had to practically flood the building. Sydney got through the door, but I was trapped on the inside." Vaughn paused, and Jack looked down at his clothes for the first time, noting their dampness. Sensing that Jack didn't really care how Vaughn escaped, he continued. "The last I saw of her, she was being dragged down the hallway by guards." Vaughn said. He didn't want to mention that she had been trying to save him when she was attacked.  
  
"Where's Tippin?" Vaughn asked, noticing for the first time that he wasn't there.  
  
"I gave him a sedative. He was in pain, and I didn't want him causing any trouble. It didn't think it would be good for Sydney to see him like that either." Jack said stoically, making sure that Vaughn knew he didn't care about Will, only about Sydney. He glanced back and saw will lying on the floor in the back seat, blood covering his mouth and sweatshirt.  
  
"How long will he be out?" Vaughn asked, calculating in his head if they could leave him while they retrieved Sydney.  
  
"Hours, he'll be fine until we return." Jack said, forming a plan in his head.  
  
Jack stepped out of the van and retrieved a bag from the back, returning to the front of the van. He began pulling things out of it and handing them to Vaughn, telling him a preliminary plan for how to get Sydney.  
  
  
  
Sorry it was short, but it needed a chapter break. I'm posting chapter three at the same time though, so it shouldn't really matter. –thanks - carrie 


	3. escape

Title: Shades of Gray  
  
Author: Carrie (CaReYbEaRy@aol.com)  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Alias or any of the characters.  
  
Spoilers: Season Finale  
  
Rating: PG, but it will probably change throughout the series  
  
Category: Angst, Romance, little action, little everything  
  
Distribution: Anywhere. Just let me know.  
  
Author's Note: Chapter 2 was short, but hopefully this chapter will be longer…we'll see. I hope that you are enjoying it so far…please review (even if you don't like it).  
  
CHAPTER 3  
  
"Mom?" Sydney uttered, he voice shaking in disbelief.  
  
"Yes, Sydney. I am your mother." Laura Bristow spoke softly, looking into Sydney's eyes. They stared in silence for a moment, with no words to fill the void. Finally, Laura spoke up. "I know that you probably have a lot of questions for me, but I think that those can wait for later." She said.  
  
Sydney's shock was slowly wearing off, and it was transformed into anger. She couldn't believe that her own mother was 'The Man.' She violently shook her head, not sure if she trusted herself to speak.  
  
"I do have a lot of questions. And they will be answered now." Sydney said forcefully, her voice shaking from the emotion behind them.  
  
"Well, I see that your father has had some influence on you. Very well." Laura said, taking a seat across from Sydney.  
  
Sydney was stunned, but regained her composure. "The only thing I really want to know is why. Why you did all those things. Why did you join the KGB? Why did you kill all those faithful servants? Why did you abandon your family?" her last question was spoken softly, and Sydney fought back her tears, not wanting to giver her mother the satisfaction of knowing that she meant something to Sydney.  
  
"I was serving my country. I was just like you." Her mother said, as if that answered everything.  
  
"You are nothing like me!" Sydney broke out. "I could never be so ruthless. I could never kill people like you did."  
  
Laura was quiet.  
  
"And now? Are you still serving your country?" Sydney asked.  
  
"I think you should rest. We'll speak again when you have calmed." Laura got up and walked out of the room, ignoring Sydney's shouts.  
  
When the door closed, Sydney slumped in her chair, allowing her tears to fall. She couldn't believe that her mother had left her. Again. She couldn't believe that she came from this horrible person. She came from the person who killed Vaughn's father. Her heart sank when she thought of Vaughn. Vaughn is dead. Sydney thought. This brought on more tears, but not only of sadness, but also of guilt. His death had been her fault. Everyone around her seemed to be headed for disaster. First Danny, then Noah, then Vaughn, and she didn't even know if Will was alive. She kept seeing his face, the utter acceptance and hopelessness in his eyes as he shook his head, more worried about her, than himself, even when he was the one who was drowning. She couldn't believe that he was gone. That she had let him go. And he would never know how she felt.  
  
Sydney's mind was racing with thoughts of her mother, and Vaughn and her shell of a life. Her utter exhaustion forced her into sleep.  
  
  
  
Vaughn and Jack walked through the nightclub, towards the stairs that Vaughn had come out through. Vaughn fit right back into the crowd, his clothes having dried, and Jack stood out, his clean crisp suite no match for the offbeat wardrobes of the partygoers.  
  
They slipped through the door to the staircase, the club too buzzed to notice. Once they were in the stairwell, they both pulled large automatic guns out of the bag that Jack was carrying. Jack finally spoke.  
  
"Sydney is most likely being held in the basement. There are not any surveillance cameras that I know of, so there is no way to be sure exactly where they are. Our best bet is to get information from a guard." Jack said authoritatively.  
  
Vaughn didn't questions this. He understood that 'get information from a guard' meant torturing a guard until they would give up the information.  
  
The two men cautiously moved down the stairwell until they reached the bottom floor, three flights down. Jack signaled to Vaughn to enter the hallway, and he pushed the door open slightly, and then stepped through it. At first there were no guards in sight, but as soon as they rounded the corner, they spotted two guards approaching. They attacked the guards, disarming them, and knocking one unconscious. The other, Jack pulled into a room, and signaled for Vaughn to stand guard.  
  
Vaughn stood at the door, and after several unpleasant sounds and pleading words, Jack finally emerged.  
  
"Third door on the right." Jack said, not even looking at Vaughn.  
  
Vaughn just stared back at the door that Jack had come from, wondering what he did with the guard. He quickly remembered the task at hand and caught up with Jack who was standing at the door.  
  
Jack stood at the door and Vaughn, behind him. Jack kicked open the door and prepared to shoot. Vaughn stood outside for a moment, his own gun poised for attack.  
  
Sydney jerked awake from the sound of the door being broken in, and immediately prepared herself for an attack. When she focused her eyes on her intruder, relief washed over her.  
  
"Dad!" she shouted. But then quieted, not wanting to attract any more attention then her father already had.  
  
Without saying a word, Jack walked over to her, and stepped around the back of her chair to pick the lock of her handcuffs.  
  
Sydney raised her eyes and caught sight of Vaughn entering the room. At that moment, her father had unchained her, and she shook off the handcuffs, jumping out of her chair and into Vaughn's arms.  
  
"I thought you were dead." She mumbled into his chest.  
  
"Me too." He said softly, very aware of Jack staring at him over Sydney's shoulder.  
  
"We have to go." Jack said, already walking out of the room.  
  
Sydney stepped back from Vaughn's embrace, not comfortable with her father staring at her.  
  
"I can't." she said, not following him out the door.  
  
"What? Sydney what do you mean 'you can't'?" Vaughn said, his anger and confusion rising.  
  
"Sydney. We have to go." Jack repeated, as if no one else had spoken.  
  
"Dad," Sydney said, approaching her father, "Mom is 'The Man.'" Sydney said, looking straight into her father's eyes for emphasis, not that she really needed it.'  
  
Her father didn't move. His eyes glazed over, but his face remained stone.  
  
"What?" Vaughn said, not sure that he heard correctly.  
  
"My mother is 'The Man.' I think that I should stay. She said that she would talk to me in the morning." Sydney said, but there was no real conviction behind her words.  
  
"Sydney. You know you can't do that. We have already raised enough suspicion tonight. Any minute they'll find us." Vaughn said calmly, trying to sound more professional than pleading.  
  
"Let's go." Said Jack sternly, walking out the door so that they knew they had no other choice.  
  
Sydney and Vaughn filed out the door and followed Jack down the hallway. Vaughn reached into his jacket and pulled out a handgun and handed it to Sydney. She nodded in appreciation.  
  
They approached the stairwell and began to climb up the flights quickly, knowing that they didn't have much time until someone would come looking for them. They didn't go back out through the nightclub, but stopped a floor early, exiting through a different door. They started running out of the door and almost thought that they were home free when they heard some guards shouting. They picked up their pace, and started in an all out sprint to the van. Gunfire rang out behind them and Sydney heard a sound that could only be a bullet penetrating flesh. Her father was in front of her, leading the way to the van, and on a quick glance behind her, she saw Vaughn still there. She continued to run, but the guards were still on their tail. Her father ducked into an alleyway and took a few turns to confuse the guards and buy them some time. They finally approached the location of the van and her father jumped into the drivers seat, and Sydney jumped into the back. A few moments later, Vaughn joined her. Jack started the van and it screeched away, headed for the hanger where the plane back to Los Angeles was.  
  
Sydney looked over at Vaughn and noticed that he was breathing unusually heavily. She thought that it was just from the run, but he was clutching his arm and had a pained expression on his face. When he caught her looking, he released his arm and faced forward.  
  
"What happened?" Sydney asked, already knowing the answer.  
  
"I'm fine." Vaughn said tersely, still panting.  
  
"Were you shot?" she asked, taking a closer look at his arm.  
  
"It's nothing. Superficial wound." He said, moving away from her so she wouldn't look at his arm.  
  
Suddenly, Sydney remembered Will, and her attention was shifted from Vaughn's arm.  
  
"Where's Will?" Sydney said in a panicky voice.  
  
Vaughn tilted his head backwards, and Sydney looked back, seeing Will sprawled out on the far back seat of the van. She gasped when she saw the condition that he was in.  
  
"It's okay. He's fine. Sedative for the pain." Vaughn said quickly, before sucking in his breath.  
  
Sydney just nodded, still looking back at Will. "When will he wake up?" she asked.  
  
"Soon," was the only answer Vaughn could muster.  
  
"Let me see your arm." Sydney said, turning around and scooting closer to Vaughn.  
  
"It's fine." Vaughn repeated putting his hand over his wound.  
  
Sydney slowly raised her hand and touched his bicep softly, right about his hand. Vaughn winced and hissed in his breath.  
  
"It's not fine, let me see." She said.  
  
Vaughn gave in and nodded is consent. He removed his hand from his arm and winced. Sydney looked at the hand he had just moved and saw that it was covered in blood. She lightly took hold of his shirt where the bullet hole was and ripped it so that she could see his arm. His shirt was soaked in blood, and her hands were already covered in it just from ripping the shirt. She gasped at what she saw. There was so much blood that she could barely see the wound. Vaughn looked down at his arm and then quickly looked away.  
  
"Not exactly a superficial wound." Sydney said. Vaughn just shrugged his unharmed shoulder.  
  
"I can see where it came through. It came out cleanly." Sydney said. "Scoot forward." She said, pushing his back slightly. She ripped the rest of the sleeve around his arm, and slid it down over his hand. She dropped the material on the floor, and then returned to his arm, gently rolling up the remaining part of his sleeve above the wound.  
  
"First aid kit?" she asked.  
  
"Glove compartment." Her father answered.  
  
She reached over into the front seat and got the first aid kit out of the glove compartment. It was a typical CIA first aid kit, with special things needed to treat bullet wounds. She pulled out a bottle of clean water and a washcloth. She poured the water onto the cloth and gently placed it onto Vaughn's arm. He made a small grunt, and winced as she removed the cloth and placed it onto another section of his arm.  
  
"It's okay. I know it hurts." Sydney said, attempting a joke. Vaughn's mouth almost twitched into a smile. "It doesn't look like it went through the bone, it may have grazed it though." She said, carefully washing the area around his arm, even though it was still bleeding.  
  
"See, superficial." He said, finally granting her a small smile.  
  
She gave him a look that said 'I know you in pain so stop acting like a macho man' and went back to her task.  
  
When she finished cleaning the blood off of his arm, she took two thick gauze pads and stuck them on each hole where the bullet entered and exited, and then wrapped the gauze around his arm many times to secure them. She taped the end of it to make sure that it stayed, and then replaced the supplies in the kit. Vaughn looked down at his arm, now clean, and then looked back up at Sydney.  
  
"Thanks." He said, smiling a little.  
  
She just nodded and returned his smile. Vaughn couldn't help but feel a little stung when she looked back at Will. As if on cue, Will began to stir. Sydney turned herself completely around, waiting for him to become aware of his surroundings before saying anything.  
  
Will sat up and moaned a little at the pain in his mouth and touched his hand to his chin, feeling the dried blood there and moaning again. He looked up at Sydney, but didn't say anything.  
  
"Hey." She said softly, looking as if she was about to cry. Will simply stared at her, not completely aware of everything around him. Then, everything seemed to kick in, and he realized when was happening.  
  
"Where are we going?" Will asked, his words muffled because of his missing teeth and the pain.  
  
"To the plane. We're going home." Sydney replied, tears welling up in her eyes. Will just nodded, and turned his attention to the window. "Will," she started, "I am so sorry that this happened to you. I know that its my fault, and I'm just so sorry." She said, tears beginning to spill over. Will continued his silence, but looked over at her. He nodded again, and then turned his attention to Vaughn for the first time.  
  
"Who are you?" he mumbled warily.  
  
"This is Michael Vaughn. He is my handler at the CIA. He's kind of like my boss." Sydney replied, not knowing if Will would know what a handler was. Will nodded and looked at Vaughn's bandaged arm. He said nothing and then looked back at Sydney. He looked in her eyes for a few moments, and then returned his attention to the window.  
  
Sydney faced forward and looked down at her hands. Vaughn could only imagine what she was feeling, and he had no idea how to make it better. He moved his injured arm a little, and placed his hand in her lap, taking hold of one of her hands. She looked up at him and thanked him with her eyes and a small smile. Vaughn smiled back at her, and saw Will look over at him through his peripheral vision.  
  
They arrived at the runway where the plane was to take off a few minutes later, and Vaughn reluctantly released Sydney's hand. They climbed out of the van and tossed a few bags into the plane.  
  
"You should probably rest for the ride home. I'll give you another sedative, if you're still in pain." Jack offered to Will. Will stole a glance at Vaughn talking to Sydney, and declined the pain medication. He didn't want to look weak if Vaughn was walking around dealing with whatever injury he had.  
  
Jack walked away from Will and took a seat at the front of the plane. Sydney ushered Will into the cargo area of the plane, where they had sat on the way over, and Vaughn followed, taking a seat on a crate. Sydney made Will sit on the floor, leaning up against some soft bags of some sort of cargo, insisting that he rest on the flight home. Sydney took a seat next to Vaughn, and waited for the men to close up the back of the plane. She snuck a glance at Will to see him already drifting off, and figured that by the time they were secure in the air, it would be safe to talk to Vaughn. She knew that he was dying to ask her questions. She just hoped that she could answer them.  
  
I hope that you liked this chapter. It was kind of slow towards the end, but I want this to be a long series, so I hope you'll forgive me. Please review or email me if you have any comments. I love to hear anything you want to say to me! I'll try to post a new chapter soon! 


	4. comfort

Title: Shades of Gray  
  
Author: Carrie (CaReYbEaRy@aol.com)  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Alias or any of the characters.  
  
Spoilers: Season Finale  
  
Rating: PG, but it will probably change throughout the series  
  
Category: Angst, Romance, little action, little everything  
  
Distribution: Anywhere. Just let me know.  
  
Author's Note: Hey everyone. Thanks so much for your awesome reviews, you guys are so kind. I'm really trying to post write these quickly and post them. I know that I like long series stories, so I'm trying to make this one good. I don't really know where I'm going at the moment, but I'll get some direction soon.  
  
CHAPTER 4  
  
The plane steadily rose until they were perfectly horizontal in the air. The back of the plane was loud and cold. Sydney was still wearing her clubbing outfit, and Vaughn was only wearing half of his shirt. He saw her shiver slightly and wished that he had something that he could give her to keep warm. He scanned the area around him, looking for anything he could give her. He wanted to keep her warm, but he also wanted to cover her up. The ensemble that she sported was revealing, to say the least, and he didn't want her to think that he was a pig by continuing to look at her. They were both sitting on crates, leaning back against the hard wall of the plane, making them even colder than they already were.  
  
Sydney looked over at Will, wondering if he was asleep yet. He already knew too much, and for some reason, she wouldn't feel comfortable if he knew about her mother. She wanted to tell Vaughn everything. He was the one that she would go to when she needed to vent, and she was dying to share details with him. She moved her eyes off of Will, assured that he was asleep, and turned to Vaughn.  
  
Vaughn looked over at Sydney, and was slightly peeved that she was staring at Will. She's probably just worried about him. Vaughn assured himself. Sydney tore her eyes away from Will, and looked at him. He quickly averted his eyes and looked over at Will.  
  
"He'll be okay." He tried to comfort Sydney.  
  
Sydney was confused for a moment. She wasn't even thinking of Will. She knew that he'd be fine. He wasn't that badly hurt. Physically, at least.  
  
"I know." She replied, shivering again, and casting her glance downward.  
  
"Hold on." Vaughn said, getting up and crossing the room. He ducked behind some boxes and returned a moment later with a large quilt of sorts. It actually looked like something that you put over the carpets to protect them when workmen come, but they were something.  
  
"Here," he said, holding out the quilt to her, "It's the best I can do."  
  
"Thanks." She replied, taking the blanket and pulling it over her shoulders. She felt better now that she had something to cover herself with, and keep her warm. Although she liked having Vaughn's eyes on her, she felt far less self-conscious with a blanket over her.  
  
Vaughn sat back down on the crate next to Sydney's, and winced as the movement disturbed his arm. He moved around, trying to find a comfortable position for his arm, which was difficult, considering the conditions.  
  
Sydney looked over at him and wished that she could do something for him. He was obviously in a lot of pain, and there wasn't much she could do for him.  
  
"Hold on." She said, repeating his earlier words. She let the blanket fall from her shoulders and walked across the plane to where Will was lying. She picked up a large burlap bag, one that Will wasn't using, and carried it back over to Vaughn. She motioned for him to get up, and he did, allowing her to kick the crate away and place the bag on the floor. She then sat down, leaning against the soft bag, instead of a hard wall. She motioned for him to sit next to her, and he did, leaning against the cushy bag, his bad arm on the outside. Sydney pulled the blanket back up over her shoulders, picking half of the blanket up and placing it on Vaughn's lab, and he pulled it up over his legs.  
  
"Much better." He said, making Sydney smile. She felt good knowing that she had brought him at least a little relief. She reveled in how well they worked together, each doing things for the other.  
  
Sydney snuck another glance at Will, trying not to be very obvious, for Vaughn's sake, and noticed that he was completely dead to the world, drool coming out of his mouth. She turned her head to look at Vaughn, willing him to look at her. When he didn't, she spoke up first.  
  
"Vaughn, what happened? I mean, how did you get out?" she asked softly, her voice almost being drowned out by the noise of the plane.  
  
Vaughn shook his head. "That can wait for later." He said. "Tell me about your mother."  
  
"It was weird. First Khasinou came in, bringing me food, and then he told me that his boss wanted to speak with me."  
  
"The man?" Vaughn questioned.  
  
"Yeah. I told him that I thought that the man was the boss, and he told me that the man was in charge, but that the man wasn't him."  
  
Vaughn just nodded, and made a "Hmm…" sound.  
  
"When he left, my mother came in."  
  
"What did she say?"  
  
"She said that she assumed I had a lot of questions, but that they would have to wait. I told her that I wanted my questions answered immediately, and she just agreed, saying something about how I was like my father." Sydney replied, not looking at Vaughn, but at a random point on the floor. "I asked her why she joined the KGB, why she abandoned me, and why she killed all those men." Sydney said, her eyes getting blurry from having to tell Vaughn about the woman who killed his father.  
  
Vaughn just nodded again, not really having anything to say to that. He knew how guilty she felt about his father, and he just didn't know how to make her understand that she shouldn't.  
  
"She just said that she did it for her country. Like me." Sydney said quietly.  
  
At this, Vaughn spoke up. "No Sydney, not like you. What she did wasn't for her country, it was for herself. You do this for everyone, but yourself." Vaughn said forcefully.  
  
Sydney just nodded, knowing that he was right. "I know, I know. And I told her that. I told her that she did these things ruthlessly and without any care of the consequences, and that I would never do that. I asked her if she was still doing these things for her country, and she told me that we would talk in the morning. She just left. Again." Sydney said, her eyes still gazing at the floor.  
  
Vaughn didn't really know what to say. He understood now why Sydney wanted to stay. She wanted to get the rest of her questions answered; she wanted to see her mother. Vaughn was also staring at the floor, and he looked up at her.  
  
"Sydney, you need to know that this is going to be okay. The mission went well. It was completed. We did what we came to do. We don't have to worry about your mother right now. She can't get to you. I won't let her." Vaughn spoke the last sentence softly, and Sydney raised her eyes from the floor to meet his gaze.  
  
"I know." She said. "Thank you."  
  
The tension between them was palpable, and Vaughn willed himself not to kiss her. Apparently, she was doing the same thing, because they both averted their eyes, hopelessness sinking in. They were silent for a few moments before Sydney spoke up.  
  
"I'm sorry." She said simply, looking at the floor again.  
  
"What?" Vaughn asked, not understanding.  
  
"I'm sorry," she repeated, "I never should have just left you. To die."  
  
"No, Sydney, you didn't leave me to die! You were attacked; there was nothing you could have done. If anything, you shouldn't have tried as hard as you did, you should have left sooner." Vaughn said, looking at her, but her eyes remained glued to the floor.  
  
She shook her head. "I could have done more, I should have warned you of what I was going to do, or pushed you ahead of me, or figured out how to get you out."  
  
Vaughn reached around to grab her shoulders, ignoring the pain in his arm, and turning her towards him, forcing her to look at him.  
  
"Sydney. There was nothing you could have done. But it doesn't matter. I'm okay. I'm fine. I made it out and so did you." He tried to reassure her. Her eyes were looking into his, and they were slowly tearing up. Vaughn cautiously pulled her into him as she mumbled 'I'm sorrys" into his chest.  
  
They slowly untangled and leaned back against the bag, lulled into sleep by the humming of the plane, and the comfort mutually radiating off of them.  
  
  
  
Not much action, I know, but I'll put more in the next few chapters. Please review, (bad or good) I appreciate it, and I'll have more chapters posted soon. 


	5. awkward

Title: Shades of Gray  
  
Author: Carrie (CaReYbEaRy@aol.com)  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Alias or any of the characters.  
  
Spoilers: Season Finale  
  
Rating: PG, but it will probably change throughout the series  
  
Category: Angst, Romance, little action, little everything  
  
Distribution: Anywhere. Just let me know.  
  
Author's Note: Hey everyone…no real comment on this one, just enjoy…hopefully It'll be a little more interesting than the last one.  
  
  
  
CHAPTER 5  
  
Will was slowly coaxed into consciousness by the throbbing in his mouth. He had slept enough that the pain was no longer masked by fatigue. He opened his eyes and blinked them several times, bringing his surroundings into focus. He looked around the large back portion of the plane, surrounded by crates and boxes and other miscellaneous cargo. He looked over to his left and saw two figures sleeping, leaning back on a burlap bag and against each other. He immediately recognized the figures to be Sydney and her 'handler' Vaughn. They look pretty comfortable .Will thought to himself. He looked at them, mesmerized by how at ease they seemed with each other. He wondered how long they had known each other and how Sydney felt about him. Will hated that this Vaughn character knew something, a big thing, about Sydney's life that he didn't. Did they ever talk about him when they were together? His thoughts were interrupted by Sydney shifting in her sleep. She turned so that she was completely facing Vaughn's side, her head resting on his arm now, instead of his shoulder. Will's blood boiled when he saw the content expression on her face. He hadn't seen her look that relaxed in a long time. He tried to tell himself that she always looked like that in her sleep, but a little voice inside him told him otherwise.  
  
Vaughn awoke slowly, but didn't open his eyes. It took him a minute to figure out where he was, but it all soon came rushing back to him. He suddenly remembered that Sydney was next to him. He could feel the warmth of her head leaning against his shoulder, and was surprised when she shifted, so that she was leaning flush against his side. He didn't want to open his eyes. He didn't want this to be over. The feel of Sydney sleeping next to him was nothing compared to the extreme relief he felt that she was okay. He couldn't believe that they'd all made it back alive. Even Will. Vaughn thought bitterly. He suddenly thought of Will and wondered whether or not he was awake. Although he wanted to stay there with Sydney, his curiosity got the best of him. He slowly opened his eyes and blinked them several times to get them into focus. He scanned the room, quickly finding himself looking into the eyes of Will Tippin. Will didn't say anything, he didn't even blink. Vaughn could almost see the jealousy and resentment permeating off of Will. Vaughn wondered how long he had been watching them, but decided that for Sydney's sake, he better move quickly. He shifted slightly and was immediately aware of a stabbing pain in his arm. He looked down at it and saw that the gauze that Sydney had put there was now covered in blood. Vaughn was still too tired to be worried about his arm, so he ignored it for the moment. He looked back over at Will to find him still staring at him. The awkwardness of the situation was killing him. He decided to take pity on Will, and moved over to a crate, gently moving his body away from Sydney's and replacing her head onto the bag. She stirred, but didn't wake up. Vaughn sat back and leaned against the wall of the plane, missing his comfortable spot with Sydney.  
  
"How are you feeling?" Vaughn asked, trying to be friendly.  
  
"Fine." Will said harshly, but then added "Much better, thanks." He didn't want this guy telling Sydney that he was being a jerk.  
  
"Good." Vaughn replied. He looked down at his watch. "We should be landing within the hour." He said, trying to make some sort of conversation with Will. Will simply nodded. Vaughn decided that it was hopeless and turned back to Sydney. She looked so peaceful in her sleep, and he wished that Will wasn't there, watching his every move. He just wanted to look at her for a while. It wasn't very often that he got an uninterrupted view of Sydney. He begrudgingly tore his eyes away from Sydney and looked at a fixed point on the floor. He couldn't bring himself to look at Will again.  
  
Will saw that Vaughn was struggling for things to say, and although he didn't like the guy, he felt that he should be civil, at least for Sydney.  
  
"So what is going to happen when we get back?" Will asked.  
  
"I'm not positive what you will do, but Sydney will go back to her house as usual. The CIA was talking about a protection program for you before, and that will still be an option. There are others to consider though." Vaughn said, trying not to give him too much information.  
  
"Won't Sydney need protection also?" Will asked logically.  
  
"That's complicated. Sydney should probably tell you these things herself." Vaughn said, not wanting to make the decision for Sydney about what she told Will about her life. Will nodded, wanting to know more, and hating that fact that Vaughn knew these things, and that Sydney might not share them with him. They sat in an awkward silence for a few moments and then, luckily, Jack came in.  
  
"Out ETA is 20 minutes." Jack said, pausing for a moment and then walking back out. Vaughn and Will nodded. Vaughn was starting to look at Jack differently. When he told Vaughn that he appreciated the risk that he was taking, Vaughn almost felt like he had earned his approval. Vaughn knew that he shouldn't be feeling like this, like the father of the girl he likes, likes him, but he did.  
  
Vaughn tried to shake away those thoughts, but he kept going back to when he was drowning, and the one thing that he was thinking was that he hadn't told Sydney how he felt about her. But he was desperate then, and he really thought that if he got out, he'd tell her the truth. But now he wasn't so sure. There was just so much at risk. Her cover, her status at CIA, their lives. And he didn't even know how she felt about him. He pretty much knew that she liked him, but how could he be sure.  
  
He tried again to make himself stop thinking these thoughts. He shouldn't want her to feel anything towards him, but he still did. His thoughts were finally interrupted by Sydney shifting positions.  
  
Sydney opened her eyes and frowned slightly, upset that Vaughn wasn't at her side anymore. She looked up, almost sensing him, and was pleased to see him sitting on a crate next to her.  
  
"Hey." She said groggily.  
  
"Perfect timing," Vaughn said, "We're landing soon."  
  
Sydney nodded and looked away from him. She looked around the plane and was surprised to find Will staring straight at her.  
  
"Hey. How do you feel?" Sydney asked, concerned.  
  
"I'm okay, a little sore." Will replied, trying to sound nonchalant, even though his entire face was throbbing.  
  
"We'll get you to a dentist as soon as we get back." Sydney assured him.  
  
"I'm okay, really." Will replied, almost annoyed that she was babying him. He couldn't be too upset though, because she did seem concerned.  
  
Sydney hated to see Will in pain. Mainly because it was her fault that he was in pain. Suddenly she remembered Vaughn's arm.  
  
"How's your arm?" she said, trying not to make her voice sound more concerned than it had with Will. It was horrible having both Will and Vaughn's attention on her, knowing that they were analyzing her every move.  
  
"It's fine." Vaughn replied, purposely turning away from her so that she couldn't see the blood soaked bandage. "As I said, a superficial wound." Vaughn said, trying to assure her that he was okay. In truth his arm was killing him, but he didn't want Sydney to feel worse than she already did. He could tell that she was feeling really guilty about Will.  
  
"Whatever." Sydney said, rolling her eyes, returning the group to an awkward silence. She didn't have anything to say, and she was worried that anything she said would just make things even more awkward.  
  
  
  
Again, sorry for the lack of action, but I'm still trying to get everything in that I wanted to. The next few chapters will hopefully come quickly and easily, filled with lots of stuff. I hope you stick with it! 


	6. explanations

Title: Shades of Gray  
  
Author: Carrie (CaReYbEaRy@aol.com)  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Alias or any of the characters.  
  
Spoilers: Season Finale  
  
Rating: PG, but it will probably change throughout the series  
  
Category: Angst, Romance, little action, little everything  
  
Distribution: Anywhere. Just let me know.  
  
Author's Note: So sorry for the lack of action/plot/anything of significance. I keep thinking that I'm going to make something happen, but then I just get all wrapped up in the thoughts and stuff. I'm trying, though, so please be patient. Thanks so much for all of your awesome reviews…they make me write faster…I get so excited!! Enjoy!  
  
CHAPTER 6  
  
Sydney, Vaughn, Will and Jack all walked off the plane at the secluded airstrip somewhere outside LA. They gathered their few belonging, Will having nothing, and walked away from the plane.  
  
"So what now?" Will asked, his question mostly directed at Sydney, but open for anyone to answer.  
  
"My car is at the warehouse, so I have to go get it, Vaughn drove me here." Sydney said.  
  
"I'll bring you back." Vaughn offered. Sydney nodded.  
  
Will watched the exchange, trying to pick up any information he could.  
  
"Mr. Tippin, you'll go back to the CIA safe house." Jack said, trying to sound authoritative since no one would like this order.  
  
"Yeah, because it was so 'safe' last time." Will said sarcastically. "Isn't there anywhere else I can go?" he asked.  
  
"He could stay with me. Tell Francie that your apartment is being fumigated or something." Sydney suggested timidly, wanting desperately to see Vaughn's reaction to this. He was perfectly still beside her, and she didn't dare to risk a look at him.  
  
Jack was silent for a moment. "Very well." He said, fishing in his briefcase for something. "Take this. It's a bug detector. You have to be careful about what you say anyway, but just in case." He offered.  
  
Sydney took it from him and inspected it. "Thanks." She said, slipping it into her bag.  
  
"I guess we should get going." Vaughn said. He, Will and Sydney parted ways from Jack, and headed towards a miniscule parking lot that was almost deserted.  
  
Vaughn got in the drivers seat, Will and Sydney got in the back. Sydney slouched all the way down so that her head could not be seen. Will imitated her.  
  
The drive to the warehouse was fairly short, and when they got there, Vaughn pulled up right next to Sydney's car, and she and Will just transferred from one car to the other. Once Will was in the SUV, Sydney went to the open window of Vaughn's car. He was looking forward, unaware that she had come back to his car.  
  
"Vaughn?" Sydney said, getting his attention. He looked over at her with questioning eyes. It was almost torture to have her be so close to him. "Thanks," she said softly, "for everything." Sydney gave him a little smile.  
  
Vaughn thought that he should say something really spectacular for such an intense moment, but then he remembered Will. "You're welcome." He said, just as softly, his eyes looking deep into hers, conveying everything he felt without words. He looked over Sydney's shoulder for just a moment, and saw Will looking in their direction. The moment was broken. Sydney began to walk away, and Vaughn just said "I'll be in contact soon," to her. She nodded and walked to her car. She got in, and she and Will sped off.  
  
  
  
The car ride to Sydney's was full of tension. Neither knew where to start. Will decided to take the plunge.  
  
"Can we talk?" he asked Sydney, frankly.  
  
"Hang on." She said. She began to rifle through her bag that was in the back seat trying to keep her eyes on the road, and finally pulling out the bug detector that her father had given her. She pushed the flat button on the top of the black disc-shaped device, and it started to flash. It flashed more rapidly as she moved it to Will's side of the car. She pointed to the compartment that was in his door and motioned for him to look in it. He put his hand in there and pulled out a pen. Sydney took it from him and threw the detector into the back seat. She waited until she came to a stoplight before she pulled the end of the pen off with her teeth, and looked inside. She saw a tiny chip with several wires. She reached into the pen with her pinky nail, and slipped it under one of the wires, pulling upward, and effectively disabling the pen. She slipped the back of the pen back into its place, and extended it to Will. "Want a pen?" she asked smiling.  
  
Will, who had been watching her in fascination, just shook his head. "I'll never get used to this." He said, looking out his window.  
  
Sydney's smile faded, and she focused all of her energy on looking forward and not crying. "So what did you want to talk about?" she asked quickly.  
  
Will hesitated for a moment before responding. "This." He said simply. When Sydney didn't reply, he elaborated. "I mean. How is this going to work? Am I allowed to talk to you about all of this? Well, I really don't know what to even talk about. I still don't really know what you do. Do you work for SD-6? Why was I in a CIA safe house? Who is this Vaughn guy? Am I going to be safe living with you? Am I going to be abducted again? What do we tell Francie?" Will ranted, only covering the beginning of the questions in his mind. He looked over at Sydney expectantly.  
  
"I thought that you said you weren't going to ask me any questions." Sydney said softly, tears threatening.  
  
"Maybe I changed my mind. Being kidnapped tends to change a guys outlook on life." Will quipped, a hint of bitterness entering his voice.  
  
"Will, there are a lot of questions that I just can't really answer. For your safety. The only reason that you weren't killed yesterday was because you didn't know what the circumference was, and they realized that. You just have to accept things the way they are." Sydney pleaded, wanting to make sure that Will understood.  
  
"So I'm just supposed to be okay with you going out there everyday, risking your life? Seeing you leave everyday, running yourself down, without even knowing why?" Will tried to reason with her.  
  
Sydney took a deep breath, trying to recall all of his questions from before. "Fine," Sydney began, "First, I don't really know how this is going to work. Yes you can talk to me about anything, as long as there's no one else listening, or no bugs. I do work for SD-6, but I also work for CIA. I'm a double agent for the CIA; I'm trying to bring down SD-6. Vaughn is my handler. He meets with me and tells me my counter mission. He's also my friend." Sydney added quietly. "I don't know if you'll be safe living with me, but it's the safest place right now, and I don't know if you'll be taken again, I can't guarantee that you won't. You can't tell Francie anything. Any of this information will only put her in more danger than she already is. And finally, yes, Will, you do have to be okay with me risking my life everyday, because it's what I do. I'm good at it, and I'm doing it for my country, for Danny." Sydney's tears were brimming at her eyes. "You have to understand how important it is for you to be careful here. Danny died because he left a message on my answering machine. That's all it took. I can't lose you too." She said, looking into Will's eyes, pleading with him to stop asking questions, telling him that she'd already given him too much information.  
  
Will nodded. "Okay. That's all. Just promise me that you'll be okay. That you'll come back home every time." Will begged as they pulled into the driveway of Sydney's house.  
  
"I promise." She told him, reaching over and giving him a hug. "I promise." She repeated.  
  
  
  
Ahh…I think this is destined to be a dialogue/reflection story. I don't know why I can't find place for anything more. I'm going to try and have something happen in the next few chapters. Lots of Vaughn/Sydney angst and stuff…I've had enough of Will. Please stick with me on this, I'm trying!!! 


	7. secrets

Title: Shades of Gray  
  
Author: Carrie (CaReYbEaRy@aol.com)  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Alias or any of the characters.  
  
Spoilers: Season Finale  
  
Rating: PG, but it will probably change throughout the series  
  
Category: Angst, Romance, little action, little everything  
  
Distribution: Anywhere. Just let me know.  
  
Author's Note: Hey guys…I'm tying to get these up quickly, I'm afraid that I won't be able to write for a little while, so I'll write these now and post them as a preemptive action. Thanks so much for your reviews again, I hope you are enjoying!!  
  
CHAPTER 7  
  
The next day was a Saturday, and Sydney was enjoying the weekend break, and would be using it to completely relax. Will was still sleeping, and Francie was away for the weekend, visiting her parents in Sacramento. Sydney was grateful for that, because, hopefully, by the time she came back, Will's bruises would be faded enough that they could easily cover them up.  
  
Sydney sat on her couch, wearing sweatpants and a tank top, enjoying her morning coffee and reading the newspaper. She couldn't bring herself to do school work on her day off. At around eleven, Will stumbled into the room, mumbling "morning," and heading straight for the coffee.  
  
"'Morning," Sydney greeted him. "How do you feel?"  
  
Will slumped down on the couch next to her. "Like I got some teeth pulled." Will tried to joke, not exactly getting across any humor, as he readjusted his jaw slightly. Sydney cracked a small smile for his benefit.  
  
"So what do you have to do today?" Will asked her.  
  
"Absolutely nothing." Sydney said, smiling widely. "At some point, I have a meeting with Vaughn, but other than that, I'm free for an entire weekend." Sydney said happily.  
  
Everything after 'Vaughn' was lost on Will. He hated that this man helped Sydney more than Will ever could. It was like they had their own private club, which he wasn't allowed into.  
  
Will's thoughts were interrupted by Sydney elbowing him.  
  
"Did you hear me?" Sydney asked.  
  
"No, sorry. What?" Will asked.  
  
"I said that since I don't have any work, we should go out one of these nights." Sydney repeated.  
  
"Yeah." Was all that Will could manage. Normally, his heart would race at a statement like this, but he knew that it was nothing more than a friendly gesture. Every once in a while, he thought of trying again to make something more of his relationship with Sydney, but always lost the courage. He kept thinking that maybe she had changed her mind about him, but didn't want to make the first move. But the little voice in the back of his head told him that she would just reject him.  
  
Current events, however, had brought all new situations to life in his head. Was there something going on between Sydney and Vaughn? If there wasn't, should he make a move, before Vaughn gets to, or should he give up and play the role of a supportive friend?  
  
"So what is with this 'Vaughn' guy?" Will asked, before having time to think about it.  
  
"What do you mean? I told you, he's my handler." Sydney said, trying to understand what Will was getting at.  
  
"But are you guys…close?" Will asked, hoping that she would get what question he was really asking.  
  
"What are you getting at?" Sydney asked, not really wanting to answer the question anyway.  
  
"Do you like him?" Will asked blatantly, not believing that the words had actually come out.  
  
"He's my handler. We can't even be seen in public together, not to mention it's against protocol." Sydney said, not really answering the question.  
  
Will seemed to accept this answer, knowing when to drop a subject. Before he was able to say anything else, Sydney hopped up.  
  
"I'm going to go take a shower." She announced, before darting out of the room.  
  
She walked into her room and into the bathroom where she turned on the hot water in the shower. She stripped off her clothes and stepped under the hot spray. She let the water wash over her, not realizing how tense her muscles were until they began to relax.  
  
Her mind started spinning with thoughts. About Will, about Vaughn, about her mother, about what happens next. She couldn't believe that Will had asked her if she liked Vaughn. She liked to pride herself in thinking that she hid her emotions rather well, but if Will saw that there was something between she and Vaughn, maybe others did too.  
  
Sydney had stopped denying a long time ago that Vaughn had feeling for her too. It might have been easier to stay away from him if she believed that there was no way that he felt anything towards her. But the looks that he had been giving her lately, and his actions in Taipei proved to her that there was something going on there. The only thing that prevented her from taking things further was the constant threat of death. And although that is a fairly big obstacle, she sometimes found herself wanting to take that risk. She just had to remember that maybe someday, after SD-6 is gone, they could be together. Although this instilled hope in her, it also brought sadness. What if SD-6 couldn't be brought down in her lifetime? She didn't want to waste her whole life, pining for someone who she could never have.  
  
She tried to clear her head, and focus on the warm water. She soon got out of the shower and slipped into her bathrobe. She heard the phone ring a distance away, but decided that Will could answer it. She toweled off her hair, and walked into the living room.  
  
"Did the phone ring?" she asked Will, who was standing by the refrigerator.  
  
"Yeah, it was a wrong number though." Will said.  
  
"Joey's Pizza?" she asked.  
  
"Yeah, how'd you know?"  
  
"We get that all the time." Sydney said, not sure why she didn't want to tell Will that it was Vaughn. She wanted to keep it a secret between them, she guessed. And, she didn't want Will giving her a hard time every time they got a wrong number.  
  
Sydney walked back into her room and slipped on some jeans and a tank top. She grabbed a zip up sweatshirt also and walked out of her room.  
  
"I think I'm going to go to the library and get some work done." She told Will, who was still padding around the kitchen.  
  
"I thought you weren't doing any work today." Will said, annoyed that she was leaving.  
  
"I know, but I can't just sit around the house all day. I have a lot of school work to catch up on." She couldn't believe that after all this; she was still lying to him. She didn't have to, she just did.  
  
"Fine." Will muttered, ducking back into the refrigerator.  
  
Sydney walked over to the door and slipped on her tennis shoes and grabbed her backpack.  
  
The ride to the warehouse seemed shorter than the previous night, but she was grateful, because she had a lot that she wanted to talk with Vaughn about. She pulled up to the abandoned building and got out of her car. She looked around for any possible tails, knowing that there wouldn't be any since she had been checking the whole way there.  
  
She walked into the warehouse and saw Vaughn already there, as usual, standing in their cage in the back corner. She didn't know exactly why they always stood back there, but she didn't really have time to dwell on it.  
  
"Hi." Sydney said as she approached him.  
  
"Hi." He said back to her.  
  
Sydney loved their weekend meetings because Vaughn was always in casual clothes. She liked that she got to see a part, even a small part, of what he was really like. He was dressed in khaki pants and a v-neck sweater. Her attention was drawn from the chest of his sweater to the bulge in his arm. She suddenly remembered his injury.  
  
"How's your arm?" she asked.  
  
"It's fine." He replied, not elaborating. She hoped that he wasn't going to act all professional again. Although it had only lasted for one meeting, it was painful.  
  
"Did you see a doctor?" Sydney asked. Vaughn knew that she wasn't going to let it drop, and even though he hated sharing any of his weaknesses with her, he relented.  
  
"Yeah. It's not too bad. You were right, it didn't go through the bone, it only grazed it. It's fine, really." He said, emphasizing that he didn't want to talk about it. He changed the subject to the only other thing that he could think of.  
  
"So how is it going with Will?" he asked, not really wanting to know how great they were getting along, but knowing that he should ask.  
  
"Fine. I told him a lot that he should know though." Sydney said, looking down. She hated to see Vaughn mad, or disappointed, or sad. For that matter, she hated to see him when he had any negative emotions.  
  
Vaughn sighed, knowing that this would happen. "How much did you tell him?" he asked, needing to know now what the damage was.  
  
"I told him that I was a double, but he probably would have figured that out. I told him how Danny died. I also told him that he couldn't tell anyone. I made sure that he knew the precautions he had to take." Sydney finished. Once she said it all out loud, it didn't sound that bad.  
  
"That's fine. Nothing that he probably wouldn't have found out in time anyway." Vaughn said, relieved that she hadn't told him anything that could put anyone, especially herself, in danger. "It'll be good for you to have someone that you can talk to about all of this stuff." He said, not really wanting to admit that he had been replaced as her comfort friend.  
  
"I guess so. But I don't really want to tell him anything." Sydney admitted. "I don't know if it's because I don't want to see him get hurt, or think less of me. Or because I don't want you to stop being the person who I tell everything to." She said quietly.  
  
Vaughn was stunned. He had never expected her to say that. "Sydney, no matter how much you tell Will and no matter how much you guys talk, you can still tell me everything." Vaughn tried to assure her.  
  
"I know, but I guess I just want there to be things that are just between you and me. I don't want to tell Will about Sloane, or my mom, or my dad, or my missions. I don't want him to know those things." Sydney tried to explain what she was feeling, finding it difficult to find the words.  
  
Vaughn crinkled his forehead, not exactly knowing what to do with this information. "Is it because you don't want to get him into this?" Vaughn asked, trying to help Sydney know why she felt this way.  
  
"No, he's already a part of this. I don't want to get him any further into it, but I just feel more comfortable talking about these things with you, not him. I know that he'd give me opinions, and judgments, and tell me to get out of it, and just make things harder. Do you care that I tell you these things?" Sydney asked, wondering why he was trying to push her at Will.  
  
"No! Not at all. I'm glad that I can help you." Vaughn told her quickly. He loved that he could help her. And he loved that she still wanted to tell him private things, even though she could tell them to Will. He just wasn't sure what it all meant. "It must be nice not having to sneak around anymore. Well, at least not around Will. I know how much you hated lying to your friends." Vaughn said, trying to boost her spirits.  
  
"That's the weird thing. I still feel like I'm sneaking around. I mean, I am sneaking around. I told Will that I went to the library. And I just let him think that it was a wrong number calling for Joey's Pizza." Sydney told him, not really sure why.  
  
"Why? I though that you hated lying to them." Vaughn questioned her.  
  
"I know. I still do. But I guess it's just easier than the truth sometimes." Sydney said sadly.  
  
Vaughn didn't reply, sensing that she wasn't finished.  
  
"Do you think that it will always be like this?" Sydney asked.  
  
"Like what? The lying?"  
  
"Yeah. And the sneaking around. Do you think that I'll always find it easier to lie than to tell the truth?" Sydney asked, growing worried that she would just become a pathological liar.  
  
"No. I don't. I think that once SD-6 is gone, you will be able to go where you want, when you want, and you'll tell your friends everything. You're a person who needs to share things with other people. And that's great. Especially when you're in the kind of business where almost no trust exists. It's good that you don't want to lie, and that you actually catch yourself doing it. I know that you're worried that things will never change, and the SD-6 will never fall, but it will. Things won't always be like this. I know that it's going to take longer than you had expected, but the work that you've done so far has been amazing, and things will get better soon." Vaughn said, emphasizing every word so that she'd know it was true.  
  
Sydney didn't have anything to say. She just smiled. She wondered how long it would take until she stopped needing to hear Vaughn's pep talks. He spoke so passionately, and she loved that he believed in her so much. Her eyes were locked onto his, and she felt the breath catch in her throat. They were standing so closely, that for a moment, she thought that he might kiss her.  
  
Vaughn was terrified. Sydney was standing in front of him, looking into his eyes, and it felt like she could see right through him, into his soul. He wanted to kiss her so badly. He almost started to lean in, but somehow caught himself. He took a step back from her and cleared his throat.  
  
"Why don't you go home and rest a little more. We can meet about all the other stuff tomorrow. I'm not even really done figuring out what we're going to do about your mom yet, so think of it as letting me off the hook." He joked.  
  
Sydney smiled, a mixture of disappointment and relief running through her system. "That sounds good." She said. "Maybe I'll actually go to the library and get some work done."  
  
Vaughn nodded. "I'll contact you tomorrow." He told her as she walked away. He really wanted to say that he'd call her tomorrow, but that would be too personal. He couldn't believe how close they had come to kissing. He couldn't let that happen again; he didn't know what he was thinking. He was really going to have to keep himself in check from no on. He waited a few minutes before he, too, walked out of the warehouse and into his car. The only think on his mind, though, was seeing Sydney tomorrow.  
  
Okay, hopefully there was a little more substance to this one. I'm posting chapters 6 and 7 at the same time because I won't get a chance to post anything tomorrow. I hope you enjoyed these chapters, and let me know if you think I should change anything, or if there's anything you thing should happen. I appreciate all reviews…I love them!! Thanks for being so awesome and staying with this story. -carrie 


	8. surprises

Title: Shades of Gray  
  
Author: Carrie (CaReYbEaRy@aol.com)  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Alias or any of the characters.  
  
Spoilers: Season Finale  
  
Rating: PG, but it will probably change throughout the series  
  
Category: Angst, Romance, little action, little everything  
  
Distribution: Anywhere. Just let me know.  
  
Author's Note: hey guys…not much to say…thanks again to those of you who have stuck with this story, I know that it's going kind of slowly, but I want it to last a while. If you have any comments or suggestions, don't be afraid to let me know. Thanks and Enjoy!  
  
CHAPTER 8  
  
Although the following day was a Sunday, Vaughn was called into work for an emergency meeting. He knew mostly what the meeting would be about, and he really didn't want to have to face it. And he really didn't want to have to face Sydney afterwards.  
  
Jack had contacted Vaughn and informed him that he had met with Devlin and told him that Will was back in the country and staying with Sydney, and that the stolen ampoule had been returned. He also told him that he hadn't told Devlin anything about Vaughn being there. Vaughn could tell that there was more to this story; that more had gone on between Devlin and Jack, but he was grateful for all that Jack had said.  
  
Vaughn walked through the halls of the building and into the conference meeting, where Jack and Devlin were already seated.  
  
"Agent Vaughn, take a seat." Devlin said to him. Vaughn looked around curiously, wondering why no one else was at this meeting, especially Haladki, since he seemed to be involved in everything.  
  
"The rest of the agents will be joining us shortly, but I wanted to speak to you first." Devlin began. Vaughn nodded. "Your intuition about Agent Bristow was very correct. She did go to help Tippin on her own. The mission was successful, and Tippin is safe, but the CIA is going to have to make sure that this never happens again. We can't risk Bristow; she is too valuable to the CIA, but she cannot keep breaking protocol. From now on, I don't want to hear about your 'hunches' through Agent Weiss, or anyone else for that matter. If you notice anything, anything unusual about your agent's behavior, you are to notify me immediately. Do you understand?" Devlin asked, looking straight at Vaughn.  
  
"Yes, sir." Vaughn mumbled, looking down at the table.  
  
"I assume that Agent Bristow didn't tell you anything about this mission before she went."  
  
"No, she didn't." Vaughn said, looking at Jack.  
  
Devlin nodded. "As for the rest of her mission, her father has informed me that Agent Bristow was able to destroy a device that Khasinou was making, called the circumference. Make yourself familiar with this." Devlin said, handing over a copy of the Rambaldi page. Vaughn nodded. "There's another thing." Devlin said. "Agent Haladki was discovered to be a mole for Khasinou."  
  
"What?" Vaughn asked, not sure he had heard correctly.  
  
"I confronted Agent Haladki, and under pressure, he admitted to being a mole for Khasinou, giving the information about the safe house and about Sydney, and also gave away the information that was needed for the mission. I accompanied Sydney to recover Tippin." Jack told Vaughn.  
  
Vaughn was furious. He couldn't believe that it had been there under his nose the entire time. That someone that close to him had been giving away information about Sydney. Vaughn tried to rein his emotions the best he could, not wanting to seem too 'emotionally attached.' "How did you know that Haladki was the mole?" Vaughn asked, trying to ask a reasonable question, and he was genuinely curious.  
  
"He knew about the circumference. Something that he didn't have clearance to know. I knew he had to have an outside source." Jack answered.  
  
Vaughn nodded, still trying to curb his anger.  
  
"Tippin is staying at Bristow's residence, he refuses to stay in the CIA safe house. We are going to put a team in place to ensure his safety until we know what we will do with him. The rest of the agents will be informed about Haladki, and of Agent Bristow's status now, so you may go if you please." Devlin said.  
  
"Thank you." Vaughn replied, standing up and leaving the room.  
  
He made a quick phone call to Sydney, and headed to the warehouse.  
  
When Sydney entered the warehouse, Vaughn was already there, as usual. She walked over to the corner of the building, and into their little cage.  
  
"Hi." She said, announcing herself.  
  
"Hi." He replied, trying not to think about their close call the day before.  
  
They were silent for a moment, until Vaughn remembered that he had called this meeting. "Devlin called an emergency meeting this morning." Vaughn said, breaking the silence.  
  
"What about?"  
  
"To inform me that my agent had taken a secret trip to Taipei." Vaughn said, a small smile crossing his lips. Sydney returned his smile, but didn't say anything. "He also had some pretty surprising news." Vaughn said.  
  
Sydney looked up with questioning eyes. "What?" she asked.  
  
"Haladki was the mole for Khasinou. He told him about the safe house, and about you." Vaughn told her, knowing that she would not react well to this. He saw a range of emotions go through her eyes, but mostly, they were clouded with anger, but then realization.  
  
"He was my dad's source." She stated, more than questioned. Vaughn nodded. Sydney began to pace, trying to calm herself. Vaughn merely watched, fascinated.  
  
"I can't believe he didn't tell me!" she yelled.  
  
"He probably just didn't want you to get upset." Vaughn reasoned, knowing that Sydney probably wasn't even listening to him.  
  
"What will happen to Haladki?" Sydney asked.  
  
"Devlin didn't say anything about that, which makes me think that your father already dealt with him." Vaughn said, not wanting to say the actual words.  
  
Sydney nodded, expecting as much. She was silent for a moment, processing everything.  
  
"Did Devlin say anything else?" Sydney asked.  
  
"Just that this can't happen again, so I have to take control of my renegade agent and inform him if I notice you acting strangely again." Vaughn said, trying to keep the conversation light. He didn't want to get into any serious conversations, not right now at least.  
  
"Else?" Sydney asked, wondering when he had noticed her acting strangely.  
  
"What?" Vaughn asked, not understanding her question.  
  
"You said 'acting strangely again.'" Sydney clarified. "When had you noticed me acting strangely?"  
  
"Oh," Vaughn said, "When I told you about Will. You just accepted it. You didn't try to do anything about it. That's not really you." Vaughn answered.  
  
"You told Devlin that?" Sydney asked, anger growing.  
  
"No!" Vaughn said quickly. "I was talking to Weiss, and I mentioned that I thought that you were hiding something. That I thought it wasn't like you to see a problem and just accept it. When I told Weiss that I wouldn't tell Devlin, he told him instead." Vaughn told her, trying to explain that it wasn't that bad.  
  
"Why would you tell Weiss that?" Sydney asked, anger clouding her sense of reason.  
  
"I just told you. Because I thought it wasn't like you. I was just thinking out loud." Vaughn explained, trying to get Sydney to be rational.  
  
"The only reason I didn't tell you was because my dad told me not to." Sydney blurted, the sentence coming more from her anger than from her logic.  
  
"So? Why would that matter? It's not like you've—" Vaughn stopped mid- sentence, a realization dawning on him. He had thought that the reason Sydney didn't tell him about her plan was because she didn't want him to try to stop her. Now he knew the real reason.  
  
"You thought I was the mole?" Vaughn asked, appalled at the thought.  
  
Sydney realized what she had just given away, and put her hand to her mouth. "No I—"  
  
"How could you think that? After everything—" Vaughn stopped again, not able to finish his sentence. He couldn't believe that she thought so little of him. He shook his head. "I have to go." He said, beginning to walk away. "I'm late, I'll contact you." He said, walking out the door.  
  
Sydney slumped down onto a crate, tears spilling over. She couldn't believe how wrong this had gone. Of course she never thought Vaughn was the mole. She was just so stunned about everything that was going on that she hadn't even questioned her father's orders. She didn't know what she was going to do. She had to talk to Vaughn, but she had to wait for him to cool off first, and she needed to plan out exactly what she was going to say to him.  
  
  
  
Hoped you liked it…I'm going with a new idea here, so let me know if there's anything you think I should change or any suggestions or comments, I love it all!! Hopefully I'll have another chapter up by tomorrow! 


	9. answers

Title: Shades of Gray  
  
Author: Carrie (CaReYbEaRy@aol.com)  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Alias or any of the characters.  
  
Spoilers: Season Finale  
  
Rating: PG, but it will probably change throughout the series  
  
Category: Angst, Romance, little action, little everything  
  
Distribution: Anywhere. Just let me know.  
  
Author's Note: okay, again, not much to say. I'm trying to make the stories have more substance. I know where I'm trying to take the story (for now, at least), and I hope you guys stick with it! Thanks for all your support!  
  
CHAPTER 9  
  
Vaughn sat in his apartment, sipping a beer, wanting to get drunk, but not having the energy. His meeting with Sydney today had felt like a punch in the stomach. He couldn't believe that she would consider, for even a moment, that he could be anything less than a loyal servant to his country. He knew that, as her handler, he shouldn't take it personally, but he felt like he was so much more than her handler. He liked to believe that, against all odds, they had become friends. Friends with potential to be a lot more. This incident felt like a giant step back.  
  
He shifted his position and winced. His arm still hurt from the shot. Thankfully, he had been at work for such a short time, that no one had had a chance to say anything. Tomorrow would be another story. He jumped right back into his previous train of thought.  
  
He knew he should be relieved. Especially because of recent events, he should be happy that they've taken a step back. They were getting way too close. But his heart was breaking, wondering what he had done to make her think that he could betray her, or his country. He pondered these thoughts for quite some time, slowly sipping his beer. He knew what he had to do, but he just didn't know if he could go through with it.  
  
  
  
Sydney sat at home, alone, trying with her entire being to think of something to say to Vaughn that would make this situation better. She had nothing. She could deny it all she wanted, even reason it out that she didn't really mean not to tell him. Nothing made sense in her head; her thoughts were spinning around and bumping into each other.  
  
The sad thing was that the one person who she really wanted to talk to this about was Vaughn. And he was the problem.  
  
It had been strange watching him walk out yesterday. She wasn't used to seeing his back. She was always the one who left first. She tried in vain to think of someway to get out of this situation, and eventually she began turning on herself. Why didn't I tell him? She wondered. I didn't think he was the mole; I just blindly listened to my father. She thought. She had to make this better, she couldn't lose his trust. He was the only one that she could talk about everything with.  
  
Sydney was suddenly jerked out of her thoughts, when Will plopped down next to her on the sofa.  
  
"You okay?" he asked.  
  
"Yeah, why?" she asked back.  
  
"I don't know," he said, taking a bite out of the banana he was holding, chewing it and swallowing, "you just seem kind of sad, or tense, or anxious. I don't know." Will said, not having the words to describe her mood.  
  
"I'm okay, just tired. I didn't sleep very well last night." She responded vaguely.  
  
"Okay." He said. He got up and walked towards the kitchen. He grabbed a bottle of water out of the refrigerator and walked into the guest room, where he was staying.  
  
Vaughn would have known that something was actually bugging me. Sydney thought bitterly, and then chastised herself for being so hard on Will. She found herself comparing him to Vaughn more and more. She knew it wasn't fair, but she couldn't help it.  
  
The shrill ring of the phone startled Sydney enough to shake her out of her thoughts. She quickly answered it.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Joey's Pizza?" The voice said. Sydney's heart raced.  
  
"Wrong number." Sydney practically shouted into the phone before hastily replacing it in its cradle. She was so relieved that he called her. She didn't think that he would. At least not so soon.  
  
Sydney grabbed her keys and her coat and yelled to Will that she was going jogging. She ran out the door and hopped into her car, heading for the warehouse.  
  
  
  
Vaughn stood in the warehouse, pacing slightly, trying to prepare himself for what he was about to do. He listened closely for any sign of Sydney. He didn't want her to surprise him. He wanted to be ready.  
  
He heard her car door close, and straightened his tie, trying to look as professional as he could. He heard the door open, and then saw her appear before him, walking into the cage.  
  
Her eyes were red, but not puffy. She looked like she was more tired than upset. She probably hadn't slept; neither had he. This thought boosted his spirits a little, knowing that she was troubled enough by this to lose sleep. He quickly banished these thoughts from his mind. He couldn't be thinking things like that right now.  
  
Sydney approached him, launching right into a tangent. "Vaughn, I'm so sorry. You have to know that I didn't really think that. I—"  
  
Vaughn put up his hand to silence her. "It's okay." He said, not looking at her.  
  
"What?" Sydney asked, confused.  
  
"It's okay. I overreacted. I shouldn't have taken it so personally." Vaughn said to her, taking a step back, trying to distance himself as much as he could from her, still not looking her in the eyes.  
  
Sydney stepped with him, looking straight at him, even if he wouldn't look at her. "What do you mean?" she asked, not understanding.  
  
"I shouldn't have been so upset. You had every reason to suspect me as the mole. Everyone was a suspect. I should have been more concerned with the fact that you with held something from me, your handler, than the reasons why you did so." Vaughn said, clarifying that this opinion came from Vaughn, the handler, not Vaughn, the friend.  
  
"But there wasn't a reason why I didn't tell you my plans. I was just overwhelmed. You have to believe that I didn't really think you could ever be a mole!" Sydney pleaded.  
  
"No, I don't have to." Vaughn said, not believing that he was being so harsh. "But it doesn't matter. I'm going to ask to be removed as your handler." Vaughn said, now unable to even look in her direction.  
  
"What? You can't!" Sydney burst out. When Vaughn didn't respond, she went on, but in a soft voice. "Why are you doing this?" she asked, her voice small, not really believing that this was happening.  
  
Vaughn's heart was breaking. This was his reason. "I've been getting too close to you, and I've let it interfere with my professional opinion." Vaughn said, trying to give away as little as possible.  
  
"Vaughn, I can't lose you. You're the only one I can talk to, you're my friend." Sydney explained, tears brimming her eyes.  
  
"I shouldn't be your friend." Vaughn replied. "I'm your handler. I should give you your counter missions, and leave. I shouldn't go with you on non- sanctioned missions. I shouldn't be upset by something that you were ordered to do. You shouldn't feel like your losing me. You should just accept that you'll be getting a new handler." Vaughn said softly, wishing that she would accept it.  
  
"I won't survive without you. I won't have any one I can talk to." Sydney said softly, hoping that she could guilt him into staying. Her tears were threatening to overflow, and she willed them to stay in her eyes.  
  
"You can talk to Will now. And you can still talk to your dad. The CIA doesn't want me as your handler anyway, it'll be good for both of us." Vaughn replied, trying to make it sound like he had other reasons for leaving.  
  
Sydney nodded, knowing that she couldn't hold him back if there was something else he wanted to do. Tears began to roll down her cheeks. She bent her head down and wiped them away from her face. She looked up and blinked several times, trying to put up a brave face.  
  
Vaughn exhaled when he realized that Sydney was going to accept it.  
  
"Good luck." She said simply, extending her hand.  
  
Vaughn was finally able to look her in the eyes, knowing that he didn't have to risk backing down now. "Thank you." He replied, taking her hand.  
  
She quickly released his hand and turned around, not really believing that she might never see him again. She walked out of the warehouse, not knowing if she'd ever be able to go there again, without him waiting for her.  
  
  
  
I hate to leave you guys in suspense, but don't worry, I won't have them apart for too long. This is, after all, a S/V fic. Please stick with me here, and thanks again for all your reviews! 


	10. reunion

Title: Shades of Gray  
  
Author: Carrie (CaReYbEaRy@aol.com)  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Alias or any of the characters.  
  
Spoilers: Season Finale  
  
Rating: PG, but it will probably change throughout the series  
  
Category: Angst, Romance, little action, little everything  
  
Distribution: Anywhere. Just let me know.  
  
Author's Note: Okay, sorry about the last chapter, I know you guys probably didn't like that too much…but I've got to keep it interesting! Anyway… thanks for all your reviews, I appreciate them so much! Enjoy this next chapter!  
  
CHAPTER 10  
  
Sydney sat on the floor of her room, her knees pulled up to her chest. Her eyes were wet, but she wasn't sobbing. She couldn't believe that this had gone so wrong. One minute, they were almost kissing, and then the next he was gone. Now, she didn't have anyone to talk to, and no way to fix this situation with Vaughn. She felt stranded. She thought that maybe she could talk to Will, but she felt like she would probably get more of a lecture than advice.  
  
She sat, alone, and felt like she had nothing; no one. She longed to hear the shrill sound of the phone and the words "Joey's Pizza." She refused to believe that she could lose him. Everyone in her life left her, he was the only one who had stayed with her, knowing what he was getting into.  
  
She stayed like that for what seemed like hours. She knew she had to do something. So she called the only person she could.  
  
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Sydney stood by the pier, like she had so many times with Vaughn. She looked out into the water, and then down at her hand, remembering how he had comforted her, without even really knowing her.  
  
She was so lost in thought, that she barely heard the footsteps behind her.  
  
"You called?" her father asked her. "Is anything wrong?" his usual hard tone mixed with concern.  
  
Sydney nodded slightly, and began to speak. Her voice was soft. "Vaughn is going to ask to be removed as my handler. And I want you to stop him." Sydney said, not even really asking.  
  
Her father was silent for a moment, not sure how he should respond. Sydney spoke again, sensing that he was puzzled.  
  
"Please, don't ask any questions, just…see what you can do. I need him as my handler." She said sternly, not allowing herself to cry.  
  
"Sydney, I don't really know what you want me to do here." He said.  
  
"Just, make sure that he's my handler. I can't have anyone else. I won't." she said, trying to keep her resolve.  
  
Her father simply nodded, knowing that he wasn't going to get any other information. Sydney looked back at the water, and waited for her father to leave, knowing that he wasn't going to say anything more. When she looked over to her side again, he was gone.  
  
She remained at the pier, feeling anxious, but somehow better, knowing that she had taken some action into getting him back.  
  
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Jack cornered Vaughn in the garage, as he was walking into the CIA office building. Vaughn was walking at a quick pace with a determined look on his face, and Jack knew what he was about to do. He walked up to him and put his hand out for him to stop.  
  
"Agent Vaughn, I'd like to have a word with you."  
  
Vaughn looked startled, but didn't miss a beat. He nodded.  
  
"For whatever reasons you may have for removing yourself as Sydney's handler, she wants you to stay, and I suggest that you do." Jack said, knowing that he'd probably need more than that.  
  
"Mr. Bristow, it was good of you to come and talk to me personally, but my mind is made up. It'll be better for both of us this way." Vaughn said, trying to believe his own words.  
  
"She doesn't think so. And I trust her judgment more than I trust yours. If she says that she wants you, then that is what is best. I will not allow you to do anything that will endanger her."  
  
"She's already in danger. And it will only be greater if I remain as her handler. Believe me, I don't want anything to happen to her either." Vaughn said, really not wanting to discuss this with Jack.  
  
"I don't like to fight these battles for her. Whatever has happened should be discussed between the two of you. As Sydney's handler, you are in charge of ensuring her comfort and safety. She is very valuable to the CIA, and what she wants, goes. Whatever petty insecurities you have should be dismissed to focus on the task at hand. You should think very hard about the decision you are about to make. Once it is made, it can't be changed. I told you that you had my respect, Mr. Vaughn, I didn't say it was permanent, and it is a lot harder to gain the second time around." With that, Jack walked away, leaving Vaughn silent, and wondering what he was supposed to do now.  
  
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Sydney was going insane with anxiety. Luckily, she'd had a class in the morning, and dropped into work for a few hours, but upon arriving home, she had nothing to do but wait. It was now five in the evening and no one was there. Will was napping, and Francie was still at work. She hadn't heard from her dad, and she needed to know if he'd fixed her problem. She was guessing that he hadn't, since there had been no wrong numbers today. She thought about waking Will up to do something to keep her from going crazy, but then reconsidered, not really wanting to hang out with Will.  
  
She paced in her room for a bit, before moving into the living room. She turned on the television and went into the kitchen. She rifled in the cabinets, before deciding that she couldn't eat when she was this nervous. She moved back into the living room and sat down on the couch, staring at the screen. She had no idea what was going on, she didn't even know what program she was watching. All of her energy was focused on straining to hear a ring of the phone.  
  
She remained in this position for a long time, her entire body tense, when, in a miraculous moment, the phone sprang to life.  
  
She answered it on the first ring; her had grasping the phone as she uttered a "Hello?"  
  
"Joey's Pizza?" the voice on the other end asked.  
  
"Wrong number." She said, her skin tingling in anticipation. She prayed that it would be Vaughn that she met at the warehouse, and not a new handler with the same code call.  
  
She ran to the door, grabbing her coat and rushing to her car. She sped all the way to the warehouse, not really caring if she was making a scene, but as she pulled up to the warehouse, all of the adrenaline left her system, and was replaced with an overwhelming fear of what she might find. She slowed down and tentatively opened her car door, stepping out slowly. Having the mind of a spy, she was already thinking up possible scenarios for what she would find behind the door.  
  
She walked into the building, closing the door behind her. She walked towards the back corner where their little cage was and exhaled as she saw the back of his familiar form.  
  
He turned around as she came in, and she looked into his eyes, somehow relieved to know that they were still that piercing green.  
  
"Hi." She said softly, as if testing the waters.  
  
"Hi." He responded just as quietly.  
  
"So, you're staying?" she asked, afraid of the answer.  
  
He barely nodded. "It was stupid for me to get upset about something like that. It shouldn't matter to me what you think about me. The only thing that matters is the mission and your safety." He said, the words stinging his tongue as they came out.  
  
"It does matter." Sydney said softly. "And it should. Through all of this, we've managed to become friends. And Vaughn, you have to believe that I never thought you could be the mole." She said. "Ever." She added for emphasis.  
  
Vaughn nodded, knowing that she was telling the truth. "Good to know." He said, trying to lighten up the conversation. Realizing that they had nothing, no mission, to talk about, he wracked his brain for anything he could say to her.  
  
Sydney was doing the same thing, but came up empty. She did the only thing that came to her. She closed the gap between she and Vaughn and wrapped her arms around him. She rested her head on his chest and squeezed tightly.  
  
It took Vaughn a moment to react, but he quickly put his arms around her back as well.  
  
"Please. Don't ever leave me again. I couldn't do this without you." Sydney said, not looking in his eyes. She didn't think that she could admit this if he was looking right into her soul.  
  
"I won't." He said softly, finally gripping how much Sydney needed him to be there for her. They stayed in the embrace for a long time, neither wanting to lose the contact. Finally, they broke apart.  
  
"I should get going." Sydney said at last.  
  
Vaughn nodded, but remained silent. No words needed to be said, and Sydney walked out of the warehouse. Vaughn stayed in the warehouse for a long time, just thinking about his situation. With Sydney, with the CIA, with himself. Lately, it seemed like everything he did was a battle. He couldn't even go to work without it being a hassle. He knew that he was making a mistake, professionally, by not resigning as Sydney's handler, but his heart wouldn't let him do it.  
  
After his encounter with Jack, Vaughn thought for a long time about what his life would be like if he had gone through with it. Basically, he pictured a lot of boredom, loneliness, and lack of…everything. Sydney made his life exciting. She made him want to go to work and fight for his country. He knew that she could make him do whatever she wanted, and that he would enjoy it. He would do anything for her; sacrifice everything. He just hoped that it wouldn't come to that.  
  
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Sorry for the wait…I've been busy (finals are a bitch), but I hope that you're happy that Vaughn and Sydney made up. I know I am. I wanted to get it perfect, I tried. Hopefully, the next chapter will be up soon! Thanks again for all your support! I appreciate it so much! 


	11. mission

Title: Shades of Gray  
  
Author: Carrie (CaReYbEaRy@aol.com)  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Alias or any of the characters.  
  
Spoilers: Season Finale  
  
Rating: PG, but it will probably change throughout the series  
  
Category: Angst, Romance, little action, little everything  
  
Distribution: Anywhere. Just let me know.  
  
Author's Note: Thanks you all so much for your great reviews! I appreciate it so much! I hope that you like this chapter. I know that all of them have been kind of short so far, so maybe I'll start making them longer. Enjoy!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
CHAPTER 11  
  
The next morning, Sydney floated into work; feeling like a huge weight had been lifted off of her shoulders. She had been so tense waiting for the Vaughn situation to clear up, and now that it was better, so was she.  
  
She caught sight of her father walking on the other side of the office. She moved over to him and matched his pace. He hadn't noticed her yet, so she lightly placed her hand on his arm.  
  
"I just wanted to say thank you." She said softly, before walking away. She'd really wanted to know what he had said to Vaughn to make him reconsider, but she knew that they couldn't talk about that at SD-6, and she knew that he probably would never tell her anyway, so she let it go, content with the way things were.  
  
She put her things on her desk then walked into the conference room for a meeting. She sat down in her seat, and was soon joined by her father, Dixon, and Marshall. Sydney became nervous when Dixon wouldn't look at her. She'd almost forgotten their encounter before she left for Taipei. She hoped that he hadn't done anything rash, but there was no way to be sure. She had wanted to tell him so badly, so many times, but she knew that she had to talk to Vaughn before she took any action. Her thoughts were interrupted by Sloane, who came in and stood at the head of the room.  
  
"Good morning." He said. Although his words were cheerful, his tone, and his manner were not. "We have a new mission." Sloane said, handing out folders. "As you know, Mr. Sark escaped from SD-6 surveillance and is now untraceable. Sark is a stepping stone to finding 'the man,' or Khasinou as we now know him."  
  
Sydney inwardly grinned, knowing very well that Khasinou was not the man. It was nice knowing that the CIA was a step ahead of SD-6, for once.  
  
"There are still many artifacts that Khasinou has that are pieces of the Rambaldi puzzle. We need these artifacts to finish this puzzle. One of these objects was stolen from the SD-6 vault by Khasinou's organization. We need these things returned to us, and we need Sark back. Sark will lead us to Khasinou; Khasinou will solve the rest of the prophecy." Sloane said. Sydney was getting tired with these facts that she already knew.  
  
"What is the mission?" Sydney asked, not believing that she was being to blunt.  
  
Sloane looked startled, and slightly angry, but he simply went on. "We know that the last place that Sark was seen was in Paris, but we have intel informing us that a device in one of Khasinou's labs in Taipei was destroyed last week." Sydney's heart dropped into her stomach, but she remained silent, not even risking a look at her dad. "Because of this, we have reason to think that Sark will be there, assessing the damage, maybe even Khasinou himself if this device is as important as we think it is." Sloane paused, looking around the room for effect. "This is a reconnaissance mission. Sydney, you and Dixon will go to the Taipei lab and collect information about what was there, what Khasinou was building, and if Sark is there, you will bring him back." Sloane went on to talk about their aliases and such, but all Sydney was thinking about was going back to Taipei, and possibly seeing he mother again.  
  
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Sydney received her 'Joey's Pizza' call almost the minute she got home. She went to the warehouse with a sick feeling in her stomach. She knew from the second Sloane said "Taipei" that her counter mission would not be pleasant.  
  
She approached the door to the warehouse, this time, without the nervousness of the last. She knew that Vaughn would be waiting for her when she entered.  
  
Vaughn paced in small steps in the cage in the warehouse. He really didn't want Sydney to go back to Taipei, especially with this counter mission. There were so many things still up in the air from their last voyage to Taipei. Vaughn couldn't believe that Sydney's mom hadn't come after her, or at the very least, contacted her. His thoughts were interrupted by clicking heels in the distance. He turned around and found himself face to face with Sydney.  
  
"Hi." She said, walking around him and sitting down on a crate.  
  
"Hi." He responded, turning towards her.  
  
"So what's my counter mission?" She asked, knowing the answer would not be one that she liked.  
  
"The lab was almost completely destroyed by explosion of the circumference, but not completely. There are still many things that are usable. The CIA wants you to completely destroy the lab, so that nothing can be recovered." Vaughn said.  
  
"No way. Too dangerous." Sydney said immediately.  
  
"Not if you're careful." Vaughn responded.  
  
"What about Dixon? He's already suspicious of me. What am I supposed to tell him?"  
  
"Tell him that the lab had some sort of failsafe, so that when you took the documents, the lab terminated itself. And why is he suspicious? Did he recognize you in Denpassar?" Vaughn questioned.  
  
"He followed me. When I broke into the SD-6 vault, he was waiting for me when I swam back." Sydney said, looking down.  
  
Vaughn couldn't believe what he was hearing. "What did he say?"  
  
"He asked me why I used the code name 'Freelancer' on Mount Aconcagua. I told him that I wasn't betraying my country, but he just walked away. He obviously hasn't said anything to Sloane, but I can't be sure that he won't." Sydney said softly.  
  
"This is not good. Why didn't you tell me before?" Vaughn asked, before quickly changing his mind. "Never mind. It doesn't matter." Vaughn put his fingers to his head and closed his eyes for a moment, trying to think of what to do next. "Go to Taipei as planned. The CIA needs to stay ahead of SD-6. We still don't know what the circumference is used for exactly, and we need to find out. SD-6 doesn't even know what Khasinou, or your mom, whoever, was building." Vaughn's mind was racing. "Sloane doesn't know that your mom is 'the man', so we can use that as leverage, somehow." Vaughn trailed off.  
  
"What about Sark? SD-6 wants me to bring him back." Sydney told him.  
  
"I know. SD-6 thinks that he'll be there, but the CIA knows that he won't. This was not his operation, but SD-6 doesn't know that. Khasinou and your mother with probably be long gone as well. This mission will be very unsuccessful for SD-6, but good for the CIA." Vaughn assured her.  
  
"And my mom? I mean, where is she? There is so much we still don't know about this." Sydney said defeated.  
  
"I know." Vaughn said. "She hasn't contacted you, has she?" Vaughn asked hesitantly, needing to hear her say no.  
  
"No! I would have told you." She said, reassuring him.  
  
Vaughn nodded, still thinking about what she should do. "When you get into the building, you need to get into the office sector and get whatever files you can on the circumference. We still have the blueprints to the building, so that will help." Sydney nodded and Vaughn continued. "If they are electronic, use this," he handed her a business card that she knew would download the files to the CIA, "and if they are on paper, find someway to hide them from Dixon. Go to the lab and use the same type of explosives that you used before to destroy the lab. This should not be too difficult if you're careful." Vaughn told her again. "There will be many workers there cleaning up and assessing the damage. Get out of the building and meet Dixon in the van, tell him that you triggered the failsafe, couldn't get the files, and the lab is going to explode." Vaughn paused, thinking about what he just told her. "I know that there are a lot of holes in this plan, but it's the best I can do right now. We still have a day until you leave, so if anything changes I'll contact you."  
  
"What about Dixon." Sydney asked again.  
  
"Talk to him first thing tomorrow morning in a secure place, and find out what he plans to do. If he is going to trust you, then go ahead as planned, but if you suspect that he is going to report you, we'll have to take him into custody. We can't risk that kind of exposure." Vaughn told her, the apology present in his tone.  
  
Sydney nodded, knowing that she couldn't do anything.  
  
"I'll see if Devlin will let me send a team to Taipei with you." Vaughn said. Sydney looked up at him. "I just think that there are too many things that could go wrong here. You may need backup, and SD-6 doesn't know this."  
  
"Okay." Sydney said. Vaughn suspected that there was something that she wasn't telling him. He didn't want to go through this again.  
  
"Are you okay?" he asked her.  
  
"Yeah." She replied.  
  
"You're not going to do anything else are you?" he asked.  
  
"No, no. It's just that, like you said, there are so many things that could go wrong. I was just wondering if it's worth it." She said tentatively.  
  
"Sydney. We're getting close to the end here. Khasinou and your mother, although we don't know much about them, do want SD-6 to fall. They have information that the CIA wants. We can use them to help us take down SD-6. If this goes well, there's not much more." Vaughn said. Sydney could hear the desperation in his voice, but she could also hear the hope. She knew that he believed what he was saying. She nodded, indicating that she understood. She stood and prepared to leave, but Vaughn's hand on her arm stopped her. She looked up and into his eyes.  
  
"This will be okay." He said, wanting to say so much more, but knowing that he couldn't. Sydney was moved by his gesture and wanted so badly to hug him, but she knew that that would be considered "too attached" so she settled for a simple "Thank you."  
  
"Be careful." He called after her when she walked away. She turned towards him for a moment, smiled, and then was gone. Vaughn knew that he wouldn't sleep until she returned. He couldn't believe that he had sent her on such a dangerous mission. She was strong, but he didn't know how far she would go before she snapped. He just hoped that this mission wouldn't be the one to break her.  
  
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Okay, that's chapter 11. I hoped you liked it. Let me know if there are any factual errors, all this stuff is so hard to keep track of. I also love any comments or suggestions you have to offer. Thanks for all your support so far! 


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